Spanish football giant Barcelona has shocked the sporting
world by making an audacious bid for former US President Donald Trump.
The Catalan club, which is pulling more levers than a bus
load of OAPs on a weekend in Vegas, has already signed five players this summer
despite not paying the full wages of a number of squad members.
As FBI agents continue to rustle through classified documents
and Big Mac wrappers at Mar-a-Lago, former US President Donald Trump has a
launched a stinging attack on Democrat ‘snakes.’
“Rules and laws are for Democrats. That’s why I’ve proudly
represented the GOP since coming down the Golden Escalators in 2015 – we don’t
follow rules; we make them, tremendously. Look at how we dealt with those women
wanting abortions, or those anti-gun nuts,” said Trump.
The international community is coming together to build a
wall around to United States, to stop their madness infecting other countries.
“Frankly, we’ve had enough of their shit,” said a
spokesperson for Piss off America (POA). “If they’re not starting wars, or
installing dictatorships in third world countries, they’re force feeding
endless re-runs of Friends down every
TV network in the world.”
The United States has been named as the world’s number one
destination for extreme racist sports by travel bible Lonely Planet.
“It was an easy decision,” said a Lonely Planet spokesperson. “Lots of countries offer their own
brand of inherent racism, but none provide the sheer breadth of exciting racism
opportunities as the US.”
Thrill seekers from around the world are now expected to
flock to the US to experience some of the finest racist experiences known to