Satirical Irish News
The government yesterday announced that RTE will receive €225m in public funding next year. And the state broadcaster is already making big plans to spend the windfall.
In an internal memo, that DTTN has seen a copy of, RTE Director General Kevin Bakhurst outlined the following:
Continue reading “RTE making ‘big plans’ for €225m windfall”
Following our previous article on cheerleaders for John O’Shea to be appointed as permanent manager of the Irish national men’s soccer team, there has been a significant backlash.
In the interests of balance DTTN has sought opinion from those opposed to appointing the Waterford man. Their thoughts are below:
Continue reading “John O’Shea – The Backlash”
Minister for Media Catherine Martin has had enough of the constant scandals from state broadcaster RTE.
The deputy leader of the Green Party today announced that RTE’s entire structure and offering would be ripped up and relaunched with a new green agenda.
Continue reading “Catherine Martin to remake new greener RTE”
RTE’s hit property show Cheap Irish Homes is to return for a new series, and is getting even more extreme in the spaces it’s offering to potential home owners.
The show, presented by Maggie Molloy, offers first time buyers alternative budget routes onto the property ladder as they consider neglected cottages, old schools and post offices.
Continue reading “Septic tank and ice cream van to feature in new series of Cheap Irish Homes”
As the nation continues celebrating our new found ability to recycle soft plastic, recycling of another nature is on the menu for RTE’s autumn schedule.
Viewers can look forward to more and more and more of the same from their Montrose favourites, with the likes of Ryan Tubridy, Claire Byrne and Tommy Tiernan taking prominent roles.
Continue reading “RTE embraces recycling for autumn schedule”
The RTE stars who breached social distancing rules at a retirement party are to receive a pay increase, the station has announced.
High profile broadcasters such as Bryan Dobson, Miriam O’Callaghan, Eileen Dunne and David McCullagh are amongst those in line for the pre-Christmas bonanza.
Continue reading “Traumatised RTE stars to receive pay increases”
RTE have announced the launch of RTE Holohan, a new TV channel that will broadcast exclusive content from Ireland’s Chief Medical Officer.
“Dr. Tony Holohan has become our nation’s biggest star and it’s only right we give him a further platform to share his views over and over and over again,” said an RTE spokesperson.
Continue reading “RTE to launch dedicated Dr. Tony Holohan channel”
The HSE has issued a warning regarding the potential hazards of hit show Normal People, whose frequent sexy bits have caused stirrings in the community.
“It’s a dirty show. A dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty show,” said a HSE source “Anyone who comes into contact with such depraved filth should wash their hands for a minimum of twenty minutes.”
Continue reading “HSE calls on public to wash hands for 20 minutes after viewing Normal People”
Local rugby enthusiast Brian Boar has written to RTE, registering his shock that the national broadcaster ran an advert for Spar starring Ireland soccer captain Seamus Coleman.
“I mean, it’s the Rugby World Cup,” fumed Boar, “while I appreciate that Coleman is making the healthy choice buying the apple, it’s no place for him or any of the soccer lads.”
Despite the advert airing on a day when no matches were taking place, Boar felt that the underlying message was RTE again treating rugby as a second-class game.
“It’s no wonder they’ve lost the Six Nations, when that’s their attitude,” he said.
The average rugby fan, Boar believed, would much rather see what filling Johnny Sexton chose for his roll or if the Eimear-nator was continuing to get the better of Tommy Bowe and the lads playing video games.
“The Eimear-nator has become part of our national psyche,” stated Boar, “and we need her and her like to will us to glory. Seamus fucking Coleman, and I’ve nothing against him personally, is only diluting the message.”
“She really is a legend,” he continued, “the lads, and these are three of the greats we’re talking about here, didn’t even realise she was in the same room as them. That’s some ninja level shit.”
Boar, who has yet to hear back from RTE, stated that he will continue to write every day until Coleman is pulled from the airwaves.