Premier League players to receive 30% pay increase to boost NHS

As Covid-19 continues to cause massive surges in death and unemployment, DTTN is pleased to report some much needed good news.

The Professional Footballer’s Association (PFA) has announced that effective immediately all Premier League players are to receive a 30% pay increase.

   The increase comes a week after the PFA criticised attempts to cut player salaries due to the strain the loss of income tax would place on NHS funding.

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Local Man could have been Premier League Star if he’d had the training

Local man Jimmy Power has raised heckles down the pub after claiming that he could have played in the Premier League if he’d had “the same training as the professional lads.”

     Power (25), who played as a goal-scoring winger up to U-16 level for his school team, made the claim as he watched two Premier League sides battle to a dour scoreless draw on the telly.

      “Just give me the training,” stated Power, who had consumed several pints of stout, “And I’ll bang the goals in.”

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