Satirical Irish News
British Prime Minister Boris Johnson is somehow still clinging to power despite doing more dodgy shit than every character from The Sopranos combined
Johnson is facing overwhelming public condemnation for multiple lockdown breaching Downing Street parties. And in a stunning statement the PM has turned the tables by launching a scathing attack on his critics.
Continue reading “Johnson to release cover of Fight for your Right”
A cross-section of the lockdown protesters who stormed Dublin at the weekend have been invited to join NPHET.
Many of the protestors, who believe that lockdowns during a pandemic and vaccines are a violation of their human rights, have been offered the positions in lieu of jail time.
Continue reading “Lockdown protesters invited to join NPHET”
An Taoiseach Micheal Martin has pledged three months free Netflix for every household in the country.
The announcement comes with no end in sight to the strictest lockdown in Europe, and hospitality not due to re-open until mid-summer.
Continue reading “Martin pledges three months free Netflix for all households”
Gardai have launched an investigation into the behaviour of local birds, following numerous complaints from residents.
It is believed that the birds have been congregating in the gardens of private residential areas in large numbers – a direct contravention of Level 5 government guidelines.
Continue reading “Local Gardai investigating repeated lockdown breaches by birds”
The National Public Health Emergency Team has recommended a permanent lockdown to be implemented from midnight tomorrow.
Dr. Tony Holohan has announced that the difficult decision had been made after fraught discussions with government.
Continue reading “NPHET recommends permanent lockdown”
RTE’s flagship phone-in show Liveline is to broadcast non-stop as Dublin endures Level 3 Covid restrictions.
The show, which will be fronted by a hyper-caffeinated Joe Duffy, will broadcast on the specially commissioned 89.19 frequency.
Continue reading “Liveline to broadcast 24/7 to support Dublin lockdown”
County Offaly has declared itself an independent republic, effective immediately.
The move comes in response to the localised lockdown imposed by the government on counties Kildare, Laois and Offaly.
Continue reading “Offaly declares independence”
RTE has announced plans for a new sitcom starring Chief Medical Officer Dr. Tony Holohan.
Covid & The Doc will star Dr. Holohan as the titular Doc, in what RTE hope will be the jewel in the crown of their light entertainment summer schedule.
Continue reading “Dr. Tony Holohan to star in RTE sitcom”
Fresh from his recent public address, professional fantasist Dominic Cummings’ stock has never been lower.
DTTN does not share the UK public’s poor opinion of Durham’s answer to CS Lewis. Instead, we admire his tenacious non-conformism, his ability to bend reality to fit his narrative. If it does come to the worst and he’s pushed out, we are comforted to know that a career as a top-class novelist awaits.
Continue reading “Dominic Cummings: A brave non-conformist”
Michael Healy-Rae has released a statement, calling on the government to revise their lockdown exit strategy to open the entire county of Kerry as Phase 1.
“The people of Kerry have already paid a heavy price. We’ve not seen head nor tail of an American tourist for weeks.
Continue reading “Healy-Rae calls for Kerry to be re-opened”