Joe Biden

July 22, 2024July 22, 2024

Republicans scramble to maintain advantage for ‘youngest man alive’ Trump

Following yesterday’s bombshell that incumbent Joe Biden will not contest the US Presidential election, Republicans are pivoting hard as it dawns that Donald Trump (78) is statistically closer to senility than Kamala Harris (59).

“We’d captured the youth vote against Biden,” said one Trump campaigner. “Donald is still vital, still the youngest man alive, and Kamala Harris can’t change that. The man is so young he wears diapers, for crissake! Kamala doesn’t even own a diaper.”

July 14, 2024July 14, 2024

Local conspiracy theorist feeling vindicated following Trump assassination attempt

A local conspiracy theorist is enjoying an ‘I told you so’ moment following the assassination attempt on former US President Donald Trump at a rally in Pennsylvania.

“The deep state Dems conspiracy is behind this,” said Stewie Bannon (57). “First they called him a sex offender, it didn’t stick. Then they called him a felon. That didn’t stick either. Now they’re so desperate they tried to kill him.

June 28, 2024June 28, 2024

Youthful Trump vows to Make America Cool Again

The political world is still abuzz from last night’s Presidential Debate on CNN where whipper snapper Donald Trump (78) put old man Joe Biden (81) in his place.

“I’m young, so, so young. And energetic, I run marathons as I sleep!” said Trump. “Doctors say I may be the single most vital man in human history. The only thing Joe has running is his nose.

January 21, 2021January 21, 2021

Traders can’t wait to cash in on Biden’s Irish heritage

Ireland’s commercial classes can’t wait to cash in on Joe Biden’s Irish heritage, after he was sworn in as the 46^th President of the United States.

Biden, who has cousins in Ballina, and enjoys quoting Heaney & Joyce, has made no secret of his fondness for The Emerald Isle.

July 5, 2020July 5, 2020

E! confirmed as official broadcast partner for US Presidential Election

Entertainment network E! has been announced as the official broadcast partner for the American Presidential election.

“Politics has never been so entertaining,” said an E! press release, “between the ultimate boss Donald Trump, rapper and honorary Kardashian Kanye West, and the other one, it’s the most exciting election line up in years!”