Tag: Donald Trump

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Republicans scramble to maintain advantage for ‘youngest man alive’ Trump

Following yesterday’s bombshell that incumbent Joe Biden will not contest the US Presidential election, Republicans are pivoting hard as it dawns that Donald Trump (78) is statistically closer to senility than Kamala Harris (59).

“We’d captured the youth vote against Biden,” said one Trump campaigner. “Donald is still vital, still the youngest man alive, and Kamala Harris can’t change that. The man is so young he wears diapers, for crissake! Kamala doesn’t even own a diaper.”

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Youthful Trump vows to Make America Cool Again

The political world is still abuzz from last night’s Presidential Debate on CNN where whipper snapper Donald Trump (78) put old man Joe Biden (81) in his place.

“I’m young, so, so young. And energetic, I run marathons as I sleep!” said Trump. “Doctors say I may be the single most vital man in human history. The only thing Joe has running is his nose.

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Mexican President vows to build wall to keep out Trump

Outgoing Mexican President Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador has vowed that the country will build a wall to keep out American felons like Donald Trump.

With the Mexican general election taking place on Sunday all parties have agreed that a wall, the larger the better, is the only way to keep Mexican citizens safe from the demon Americano.

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Lamar-Drake diss war inspires politicians around the world

The ongoing diss war between hip-hop stars Kendrick Lamar and Drake has captivated the entertainment world in the last week.

And many politicians have taken inspiration from the feuding rap titans, whose tracks have contained allegations of paedophilia and domestic abuse, with Lamar’s latest diss track Not Like Us appears providing particular inspiration.

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“So much winning” – Trump breaks records for civil fines

Former US President Donald Trump is today celebrating after breaking more records in civil court actions.

Trump has been ordered to pay $355 million for fraud and banned from running businesses in New York for three years. This follows last month’s ruling that the fraudster owed writer E. Jean Carroll $83m for sexual assault.

“Every time I go to court I’m breaking records, so many records” said the sex offender. “These judges can charge what they want, but it means nothing. I am a wealthy man. So much money, it’s beautiful folks.”

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Trump disavows Colorado, mistakes Dumb and Dumber for documentary

Former US President Donald Trump has launched a blistering attack on Colorado, after the state ruled that he engaged in insurrection as part of the January 6th riots.

“Colorado used to be a beautiful place, truly wondrous,” said Trump in a series of tweets. “But have you visited lately? Nothing but snow and un-American mountains. Where is the great weather gone?

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E! confirmed as official broadcast partner for US Presidential Election

Entertainment network E! has been announced as the official broadcast partner for the American Presidential election.

“Politics has never been so entertaining,” said an E! press release, “between the ultimate boss Donald Trump,  rapper and honorary Kardashian Kanye West, and the other one, it’s the most exciting election line up in years!”

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