NPHET has called for Easter eggs to be pulled from
supermarket shelves with immediate effect.
“During lockdown many subjects have been comfort eating to
excess,” said Dr. Ronan Glynn. “The wide availability of high-sugar, high-fat
Easter eggs adds to the temptations for the weak, greedy people of Ireland.
Idiots around the country are blaming the government after
coming to the shocking realisation that vaccinations aren’t a miracle silver
“With the vaccines getting rolled out I thought I could just
pop round to my buddy’s house for a few drinks. I never thought I’d test
positive,” said one idiot. “I wouldn’t get the vaccine personally; they cause
autism and rabies, but I still should have been protected.”
As schools around the country resume classes, the NPHET has
issued new guidelines around the removal of the letter R from textbooks.
“Our children’s safety is paramount during this pandemic,”
stated Acting Chief Medical Officer Dr. Ronan Glynn. “They are growing up in a
time when the letter R is associated with the Covid-19 Reproduction Rate.”