OPINION: 5G killed my hamster

By: Derek [Full Name with Editor]

5G is the greatest threat to mankind since 4G. The public needs to know this, but there are powerful forces at work. Shady figures who want me silenced. Because I know the truth.

They know that I know. I know this. They know this. I know that they know. That is a fact. And cannot be disputed. They know that. That’s why I can’t reveal my true identity. They’re everywhere.

Continue reading “OPINION: 5G killed my hamster”

Local Vigilante Group to hunt down Coronavirus

A local vigilante group has revealed its plans to track down and ‘eliminate’ the Coronavirus.

A Facebook group titled “Fathers Against Covid-19” has made the bold claim that they will rid the local area of the virus, just like they chased away those drug dealers a couple of years back.

   The group’s banner photo shows a number of men in hoodies and balaclavas brandishing hurleys and baseball bats, that they plan to wield on the virus.

Continue reading “Local Vigilante Group to hunt down Coronavirus”

Pat the Baker and Old Mr. Brennan go into hiding

With public panic over the Coronavirus mounting, supermarkets are struggling to meet demand for essential provisions such as bread and toilet roll.

“We saw what happened when we had shortages during The Beast from the East and Storm Emma in 2018” said a representative from the Irish Bread Bakers Association (IBBA). “People were literally clawing each other’s eyes out for a loaf.”

Continue reading “Pat the Baker and Old Mr. Brennan go into hiding”

Local Man regrets pulling Coronavirus sickie

A local man’s decision to phone in sick after a heavy night drinking backfired in spectacular fashion.

    Colin Coldsore (27), caused panic in the local area after informing his employer that he would not be in due to contracting the coronavirus.

    “A buddy of mine was over from London,” said Coldsore, “And a quick mid-week pint turned into a proper session. I was bouncing around Shifters nightclub all night.”

Continue reading “Local Man regrets pulling Coronavirus sickie”