Daily Mail unsure how to react to new royal baby

Britain’s favourite hate rag The Daily Mail has found itself in a dilemma over their coverage of the new royal baby.

Lilibet Diana, the second child of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, was born on Friday.

“Usually we fawn over any Royal news with the soft splash treatment. Our Brexit loving readership laps that shit up. If they close their eyes they can pretend it is 1950 again. But then we have the Meghan question,” said a Daily Mail editor.

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Exclusive: Inside plans for the abandoned European Super League

With less than 48 hours passing between its announcement and the Premier League clubs withdrawing, the European Super League was shot down faster than an African-American in a gated community.  

Details leaked in the media were sketchy. However, DTTN has obtained a secret dossier after lobbing Florentino Perez a fiver and a book of expired McDonald’s vouchers.

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Grand National controversy as horses disrespect two minute silence

There was controversy at Aintree today as the two minute silence to mark the passing of The Duke of Edinburgh was flagrantly ignored by several horses.

The Grand National, the jewel in the horse racing calendar, was broadcast live on the ITV. Viewers were shocked as the remembrance was punctured by incessant low-level neighing and whinnying by impatient horses.

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Prince Andrew: Meghan and Harry an existential threat to Royals

Prince Andrew has launched an astonishing attack on Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, claiming that their explosive interview with Oprah poses a threat to the continued existence of The House of Windsor.

“It’s incredible the damage they’re doing,” said Andrew. “I would say it’s the single most outrageous event in our family’s history. I don’t know how I’ll show my face at Pizza Express after this.

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