Local Councillor Willie Ryder has become embroiled in a
racism controversy after throwing his weight behind Ireland’s Rugby World Cup
Ryder, who is
heavily involved in the local GAA club, is not known for his oval ball
expertise, but was spotted donning an Irish rugby jersey as he left a council
“Let’s get behind
Joe Shit and the boys.” he told Down the Town News, “If Johnny Sexman can get a
few more touchdowns we could be going all the way.”
Ryder, who has
previously expressed his love for Liverpool FC, Irish boxing, Conor McGregor
and the New England Patriots, is also believed to have ordered a rugby ball
from O’Neill’s Sports Shop.
stated that if the team won the World Cup he would “personally table a motion
for them to be granted the freedom of the town.”
“It looks like
it’s set for us to meet those black bastards in the quarter finals,” he said
“and we all know how fast they can run, but I’ve full faith in Joe and the
When asked to clarify if he was referring to the New Zealand
All Blacks, Ryder looked confused before responding “Blacks in general are just
smug bastards. We need to keep Ireland for the Irish. I hope we smash them.”
Ryder is in
his third and, now likely, final term as councillor.
Local man Johnny
Rotten was left devastated on Thursday as the takeaway he ordered from his
local Indian arrived without the expected peshwari naan.
Rotten, who wasn’t
arsed going down the shop to get dinner after a hard day a work, stated that he
hadn’t been this upset since the local pizza place accidentally put pineapple
on his deep pan.
people are animals.” said Rotten, “I’ve been ordering the Indian ever since.
It’s a grand break from the ol’ cooking.”
contacted the takeaway to alert them to the oversight, he was informed it would
take another 20 minutes to deliver the forgotten item.
“Sure, the naan’s
the best part, for mopping up all the sauce” stated a distressed Rotten, “you
may as well chuck the whole lot in the bin if it’s missing.”
Faced with a
choice of a naan-less meal or his curry going cold waiting for its arrival,
Rotten made the brave and difficult decision to prise himself from his couch
and walk two minutes down the road to purchase a naan from the supermarket.
“It just wasn’t
the same with the supermarket stuff,” lamented Rotten, “sure you do it in the
toaster. Nothing good every came out of a toaster.”
Indian has offered Rotten a free naan and 10% off his next order, but he is
believed to be considering his future takeaway options.