Local cat Mr. Cuddles was left reeling last night after his owners decided to go fully vegetarian.Continue reading “Mr. Cuddles not taking this vegetarian shit”
Local GAA Star Micky McMichael was in disgrace last night after being barred from Chancers nightclub following a physical altercation with a young woman.
McMichael (22) was partying with friends in the local hotspot, displaying the legendary discipline that saw the local team lose in the first round of the championship again this year.
“It was my round.” said McMichael “The place was jammers and there was only one lad serving. The queue was two or three deep, and I was bursting for a slash.”
Displaying a level of fortitude previously unseen by most observers, McMichael stuck it out for ten minutes, before spotting an opening to the left of the bar area.
“The spot was mine, but as I went to nip in, your wan appeared from nowhere and made a dash for it.”
Showing more aggression than he has all season, McMichael braced himself, and stepped into his opponent with what he termed “a fair shoulder.”
The contact sent the young woman sprawling, face-first into Chancer’s famously sticky carpet. McMichael showed no contrition, as he stepped forward waving a fifty euro note to secure his drinks order.
The young woman suffered severe facial bruising, but is expected to make a full recovery.
Despite being barred from Chancers for life McMichael remained unrepentant.
“It’s not my fault she hadn’t planted her leading foot,” he insisted. “I’m just pissed off I didn’t get to drink the pint I’d paid for.”
Local man Johnny Rotten was left devastated on Thursday as the takeaway he ordered from his local Indian arrived without the expected peshwari naan.
Rotten, who wasn’t arsed going down the shop to get dinner after a hard day a work, stated that he hadn’t been this upset since the local pizza place accidentally put pineapple on his deep pan.
“Those pizza people are animals.” said Rotten, “I’ve been ordering the Indian ever since. It’s a grand break from the ol’ cooking.”
When Rotten contacted the takeaway to alert them to the oversight, he was informed it would take another 20 minutes to deliver the forgotten item.
“Sure, the naan’s the best part, for mopping up all the sauce” stated a distressed Rotten, “you may as well chuck the whole lot in the bin if it’s missing.”
Faced with a choice of a naan-less meal or his curry going cold waiting for its arrival, Rotten made the brave and difficult decision to prise himself from his couch and walk two minutes down the road to purchase a naan from the supermarket.
“It just wasn’t the same with the supermarket stuff,” lamented Rotten, “sure you do it in the toaster. Nothing good every came out of a toaster.” The Indian has offered Rotten a free naan and 10% off his next order, but he is believed to be considering his future takeaway options.