Satirical Irish News
Barry Cowen’s time in Dail Eireann may be coming to an end, with the Fianna Fail TD considering a sensational offer to join the Ferrari Formula 1 team.
Ferrari, who have struggled against Lewis Hamilton’s Mercedes in recent years, believe the Laois-Offaly TD is the man to return the World Driver’s Championship to the Scuderia.
Continue reading “Barry Cowen considering Formula 1 offer”
Taoiseach Michael Martin has taken a hard line in his first cabinet meeting, telling Ministers that he is “the one who knocks.”
Martin is understood to have binge watched Breaking Bad during lockdown, drawing inspiration from Walter White’s journey from milquetoast science teacher to ruthless drug kingpin.
Continue reading “Martin to cabinet: “I am the one who knocks””
Fianna Fail leader Micheál Martin has been spending lockdown remodelling himself on international super spy Austin Powers in an attempt to boost his charisma levels.
With a rotating Taoiseach model expected to be implemented in the new coalition, Martin is desperate to prove his leadership credentials.
Continue reading “Micheál Martin planning ‘Austin Powers’ leadership makeover”
With the General Election fast approaching DTTN has offered the main political parties the chance to present their manifestos to our readers. Today we hear from Fianna Fail councillor Eddie Cash.
Fine Gael have broken Ireland. Tin Man Kenny teed us up and social media influencer Varadkar knocked us out of the fecking park. But, what more would you expect from the Blueshirts?
Vote Fianna Fail and we will rebuild the country, brick by brick, development by ill-advised development. We might not take the actions that the country wants, or needs, but the one thing we can guarantee is action. And lots of it.
Continue reading “GE 2020 – The Fianna Fail Manifesto”
Not content with voting for each other in the Dail, Fianna Fail gombeens Timmy Dooley and Niall Collins’ complex relationship has crossed into their home lives.
Limerick West TD Collins has voted six times for Dooley when the Clare TD couldn’t be arsed doing his job. He has also been filling in at the Dooley household, carrying out husbandly duties when Dooley fancies pints with the lads.
“It’s a long way home from Leinster House, and I often can’t face it,” admitted Dooley. “Niall’s a great man for the driving, and sure when you’re from a place like Patrickswell a night in Ennis is the height of excitement.”
Collins is believed to have deputised for Dooley on a number of occasions, attending family meals and functions.
“I usually send him over when the mother-in-law is visiting,” said Dooley, “or if the wife is hosting a dinner party.”
So frequent are Collins’ visits that he has now taken up semi-permanent residence in the Dooley’s spare bedroom.
“The cranks will say it’s making a mockery of marriage, but sure the wife loves him,” said Dooley, “and he knows how to press all the right buttons. I usually can’t perform my duties after a feed of pints.”