Posts

Posted on

Coldplay, England football team causing spike in sudden onset narcolepsy warns NHS

UK doctors have warned about a dangerous surge in sudden onset narcolepsy this weekend due to Coldplay’s performance at Glastonbury and the continued tediousness of England’s football team at the Euros.

“Narcolepsy causes patients to feel drowsy and need to sleep during the daytime,” said an NHS doctor. “The causes are not always clear, but this weekend we have seen a spike due to Coldplay and the football.”

Continue reading “Coldplay, England football team causing spike in sudden onset narcolepsy warns NHS”
Spread the love
Posted on

Youthful Trump vows to Make America Cool Again

The political world is still abuzz from last night’s Presidential Debate on CNN where whipper snapper Donald Trump (78) put old man Joe Biden (81) in his place.

“I’m young, so, so young. And energetic, I run marathons as I sleep!” said Trump. “Doctors say I may be the single most vital man in human history. The only thing Joe has running is his nose.

Continue reading “Youthful Trump vows to Make America Cool Again”
Spread the love
Posted on

Local man plans on owning Ireland’s first Cybertruck

A local man has announced his plans to acquire Ireland’s first Cybertruck.

Eoin Mutch (58) told anyone in the pub who’d listen, and several who didn’t want to, that he’d already been in contact with Tesla to acquire one of their controversial electric trucks.

The Cybertruck, which is not yet available in Europe, retails in the US at around $100,000 and has attracted negative reviews for it’s design flaws, quickness to break down and looking like a tin of beans on wheels.

Continue reading “Local man plans on owning Ireland’s first Cybertruck”
Spread the love
Posted on

John O’Shea fan club continues to push for his appointment

The John O’Shea fan club, comprising of RTE Sport and the Ireland old boys club, is continuing to push for the Waterford man to be made permanent manager of the men’s senior football team.


Despite four mediocre performances yielding a solitary win courtesy of a comically butchered counter, O’Shea’s cheerleaders can’t stop singing his praises. Below are some of their recent pronouncements:

Continue reading “John O’Shea fan club continues to push for his appointment”
Spread the love
Posted on

Local woman plans on being Rupert Murdoch’s sixth wife

Media mogul lizard Rupert Murdoch made the headlines again this weekend after getting married for the fifth time.

The Australian (93) tied the knot with Elena Zhukova (67) in California on Saturday, but one local woman is already looking ahead to Murdoch’s next marriage.

Sharon Curley (64), a retired hairdresser and former proprietor of Short and Curleys salon, told DTTN that she had already sent a detailed proposal to Fox Executives to pass on to Murdoch.

Continue reading “Local woman plans on being Rupert Murdoch’s sixth wife”
Spread the love
Posted on

Mexican President vows to build wall to keep out Trump

Outgoing Mexican President Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador has vowed that the country will build a wall to keep out American felons like Donald Trump.

With the Mexican general election taking place on Sunday all parties have agreed that a wall, the larger the better, is the only way to keep Mexican citizens safe from the demon Americano.

Continue reading “Mexican President vows to build wall to keep out Trump”
Spread the love
Posted on

Local Influencer traumatised by ‘gaudy’ election posters

A local influencer has been left traumatised after weeks of exposure to posters for the upcoming local and European elections.

“They’re just so gaudy, so tacky,” said Camilla Chamomile (25), “the colour schemes are sickly, the shots off centre. So, so just not Insta worthy.”

Chamomile has been so upset by the posters that she is now afraid to leave her apartment until after election day on 7th June.

Continue reading “Local Influencer traumatised by ‘gaudy’ election posters”
Spread the love