Satirical Irish News
Spanish football giant Barcelona has shocked the sporting world by making an audacious bid for former US President Donald Trump.
The Catalan club, which is pulling more levers than a bus load of OAPs on a weekend in Vegas, has already signed five players this summer despite not paying the full wages of a number of squad members.
Continue reading “Barcelona make shock Trump transfer bid”
A local man has literally dissolved in front of horrified onlookers as temperatures today soared into the 30s.
Manny Mannix (46), known locally as ‘Moany’, was famed for his incessant disdain towards any prevailing weather conditions.
Continue reading “Local man dissolves in heatwave”
As FBI agents continue to rustle through classified documents and Big Mac wrappers at Mar-a-Lago, former US President Donald Trump has a launched a stinging attack on Democrat ‘snakes.’
“Rules and laws are for Democrats. That’s why I’ve proudly represented the GOP since coming down the Golden Escalators in 2015 – we don’t follow rules; we make them, tremendously. Look at how we dealt with those women wanting abortions, or those anti-gun nuts,” said Trump.
Continue reading “Trump: Democrats unlawfully applying the law”
It’s been quite the week for Co. Longford.
Thursday brought a record drugs bust, with €8.4m worth of cocaine being seized from a plane that landed into an airfield in Abbeyshrule. And now DTTN can exclusively reveal that a batch of Pat the Baker loaves has been accidentally baked with cocaine.
Continue reading “Batch of Pat the Baker loaves accidentally baked with cocaine”
Irish consumers are feeling the pinch of the biggest inflation hike in years, with utility rates and petrol prices soaring to record levels.
However, research scientists from University College Cork (UCC) have discovered an exciting low cost fuel alternative – guff.
Continue reading “Irish scientists discover alternative ‘guff’ power”
Entertainment network E! has named Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky as the best dressed leader in the current Russia-Ukraine conflict.
The network, the single greatest continuous inanity in human history, bestowed the honour on OMG Ukraine!, an hour long special discussing the war.
Continue reading “E! names Zelensky as best dressed leader”
Russian government officials are to take on the running of the Premier League’s Video Assistant Referee (VAR) system from next season.
VAR, which was designed to eliminate controversy from the game, has only added an extra layer of incompetence to proceedings. But it seems the Premier League has found a solution.
Continue reading “Russian Officials to take over running of Premier League VAR”
British Prime Minister Boris Johnson is somehow still clinging to power despite doing more dodgy shit than every character from The Sopranos combined
Johnson is facing overwhelming public condemnation for multiple lockdown breaching Downing Street parties. And in a stunning statement the PM has turned the tables by launching a scathing attack on his critics.
Continue reading “Johnson to release cover of Fight for your Right”
British Prime Minister is to host a new version of popular 90’s show Noel’s House Party, the BBC has announced.
The news comes following revelations that Johnson attended a number of lockdown flouting Downing Street shindigs last December, including a table quiz he hosted.
Continue reading “Boris Johnson to host re-launched Noel’s House Party”
The United States military prison in Guantanamo Bay has long been a source of controversy, with suspected terrorists are routinely subject to torture and indefinite detention,
However, new reports detail a fresh horror greater than anything Guantanamo has previously seen: Ed Sheeran.
Continue reading “Guantanamo’s fresh horror: the Ed Sheeran method”