Traders can’t wait to cash in on Biden’s Irish heritage

Ireland’s commercial classes can’t wait to cash in on Joe Biden’s Irish heritage, after he was sworn in as the 46th President of the United States.

Biden, who has cousins in Ballina, and enjoys quoting Heaney & Joyce, has made no secret of his fondness for The Emerald Isle.

Now, the Irish business community is looking to make a fast buck off the popularity of the first clinically sane American President in four years.

“He’s the most Irish President since O’Bama. And they gave him his own petrol station in Offaly. A fierce fancy one. We’ll need something just as good for Joe,” said a spokesperson for the Ballina Traders Association.

Plans are underway for a state visit, where Biden will be invited to awkwardly clutch a pint of Guinness in a random Mayo pub, plus an interview opportunity where reporters can ask just how great he thinks we really are.

“The state visit will be marked by Ballina in the appropriate style,” said the Ballina Traders Association. “That’s why we’re planning to build The Delaware Diner just off the main square.”

The Diner, which will specialise in American grub, will offer the Biden Burger, complete with mini American flag, as well as Kamala Curry Fries.

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