Martin praises world leader Ireland

An Taoiseach Micheal Martin has praised the country after it was revealed that Ireland has the highest daily Covid-19 rate in the world.

The figures, which were confirmed earlier this week, put Ireland ahead of even confirmed basket case nations such as post-Brexit Britain and the patriotic USA.

“We’ve always thought of ourselves as the little island that could,” said Martin, “and, boy, are we following through with spectacular results.

We mightn’t be the best at social distancing over Christmas, or staying within 5kms of our homes, or even treating mothers and children with a shred of dignity, but these results show what we can achieve as a nation when we all row together.”

The cabinet celebrated the historic announcement with a shindig at the Dail Bar for all TDs, and anyone they felt like inviting.

“The craic was mighty! Sure, we all partied” said one back-bencher, who had his stomach pumped after downing two bottles of Jameson.

“Such fantastic results give us hope as a nation during these dark times,” concluded Martin. “Wait until you see what we’ve got planned next.”

DTTN understands Boris Johnson has sent a message of congratulations to An Taoiseach, but that President Trump is aiming to surpass Ireland, for one last historic achievement before leaving office on 20th January.

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