Local Gardai investigating repeated lockdown breaches by birds

Gardai have launched an investigation into the behaviour of local birds, following numerous complaints from residents.

It is believed that the birds have been congregating in the gardens of private residential areas in large numbers – a direct contravention of Level 5 government guidelines.

“There’s so many of them. It’s terrifying,” one resident told DTTN. “Every morning I open the curtains to hordes of feral pigeons, starlings and robins strutting around my garden. I daren’t step outside for fear of infection.”

“I’ve got an underlying condition and have been cocooning for months,” said another resident, as they angrily shook their fist at a jackdaw “it really pisses me off the blatant disregard these birds have for public health.”

 “Birds are wantonly flying from garden to garden, often without warning or invitation,” said a local councillor. “I’m demanding the Gardai crack down on this winged menace for the safety and mental wellbeing of our community.”

Gardai have advised that birds are more likely to congregate in areas where they are being fed.

“The bastards will eat anything,” said one resident who lost a packet of custard creams to a blue tit. “First they came for my biscuits. Next they’ll be giving me Covid.”

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