Premier League players to receive 30% pay increase to boost NHS

As Covid-19 continues to cause massive surges in death and unemployment, DTTN is pleased to report some much needed good news.

The Professional Footballer’s Association (PFA) has announced that effective immediately all Premier League players are to receive a 30% pay increase.

   The increase comes a week after the PFA criticised attempts to cut player salaries due to the strain the loss of income tax would place on NHS funding.

   “It was a tough negotiation,” said a PFA spokesperson, “but Premier League owners had to accept that cutting player salaries would lead to needless deaths. This increase, while modest, will go some way to ensuring the NHS can keep the lights on for those in need.”

   The PFA singled-out Manchester City defender Kyle Walker, who recently disobeyed UK lockdown rules by having a sex party with prostitutes, for particular praise.

    “Kyle knows that these are hard times for everyone, and was doing his bit to stimulate the local economy.  The PFA is calling on all members to go in hard on Covid-19 by continuing to splash the cash.”

     The PFA stated that sex workers, along with designer clothes, games consoles, sports cars and anything sparkly were on the list of approved NHS boosting products. A full list is available on the PFA website.

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