Local Reactionary Starts Corona Bonfire

A local reactionary has caused a major sensation by purchasing and burning every bottle of Corona beer in the parish.

   Dinny Mall stated that he hoped that ridding the parish of the “Evil Corona beverage would keep the precious children safe from disease.”

    It is believed that Mall may have confused the popular bottled beer with the deadly Coronavirus, which is currently sweeping the globe.

    Supermarkets report that Mall has also ransacked their aisles to procure every lime going.

    “We all know that Corona comes with a wedge of lime, so the disease could be starting there. We can’t be too careful.”

    Mall had also considered burning all bar and off licence staff but was warned against such an action by local Gardai.

   The father of four is now set to travel to London, where he plans to scour the streets for Claire Foy and Olivia Coleman, stars of the hit TV show The Crown.

    “Corona means crown in English. And think of the millions of innocent children settling down to watch The Crown on Netflix. The disease could literally be seeping through their TV.  We have to cut the head off this monster” said Mall.

   DTTN reached out to representatives of Foy and Coleman, who laughed off any perceived concerns.

Meanwhile, a spokesperson for Crown Paints said they were monitoring the situation.

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