Local man Jimmy Power has raised heckles down the pub after claiming that he could have played in the Premier League if he’d had “the same training as the professional lads.”
Power (25), who played as a goal-scoring winger up to U-16 level for his school team, made the claim as he watched two Premier League sides battle to a dour scoreless draw on the telly.
“Just give me the training,” stated Power, who had consumed several pints of stout, “And I’ll bang the goals in.”
Other pub regulars reacted with derision, pointing to Power’s substantial gut and general lack of pace, except at last orders, but the former under-age star was not to be denied.
“I’m still waiting for the call from Mick McCarthy,” he told friends, “I could be the solution to our goal-scoring problems at international level. I just need to work on my conditioning a bit.”
Power, who is also a self-proclaimed expert on the offside law and the intricacies of penalty decisions, then re-told the room about the time he once spent 20 minutes in the same hotel bar as Roy Keane.
“He does this every bloody week,” stated one frustrated fellow drinker.
Power was last seen in the vicinity of his local kebab house, using plastic forks to demonstrate the technique required to perform a Cruyff turn to several local women.