Corbyn still unable to decide between cake or biscuit

Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn remains marooned in an Islington café last night after his agonising over whether to have cake or biscuit ran into a third day.

  Corbyn is believed to be hoping that the café runs out of cake and biscuit before he is forced into a decision.

   “I offered a free snack to all my regulars,” said café owner Stacey Raymond. “Most folk snapped it up and went on their way with a smile. Not Jeremy though.”

   Corbyn dithered by the side of the counter, and waved through several other customers, before nursing a single cup of tea and hiding in the toilets until the café closed.

     “He said he would definitely make a better decision than the Tories, but I’m still waiting,” said Raymond.

Former Prime Minster Theresa May rejected a free slice of black forest gateau at her local cafe, stating “Biscuit means biscuit.” The café did not stock biscuits.

    Current PM Boris Johnson has issued a statement that he was “very confident” that he could “eat all the biscuits” at Raymond’s café despite being an Etonian reptile that subsists only on live mice and gerbils

     Corbyn has not left the café since and has slept on a makeshift bed of tables for the last two nights.

   “I told him he could just have the tea by itself,” said a frustrated Raymond, “but he still won’t budge out of that ratty sleeping bag. It’s driving away custom.”

    The café is not expected to run out of cake or biscuits anytime soon, with Raymond expecting a fresh delivery tomorrow morning. This story looks set to run and run.

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