Exclusive: Maria Bailey planning career as playground safety consultant

Fine Gael TD and national laughing stock Maria Bailey may be clinging to her job by a thread, but Down the Town News can exclusively reveal that she already has an alternative career lined up.

    The Dun Laoghaire TD is selflessly planning to use her traumatic Swing-Gate experience to help improve safety standards at playgrounds around the country.

    “Playgrounds are dangerous places,” said Bailey, “especially when you’re reaching for a bottle of wine. Falling off a swing has destroyed my career, so God knows what it could do to a little one.”

     Bailey is understood to be working on a proposal requiring all playgrounds to have detailed written instructions next to each piece of equipment. Playground entry requirements will also be tightened up, with all children required to watch a HSA safety video and complete a manual handling course.

     “I’m also lobbying to have drinks holders installed at all swings and slides,” said Bailey “so the kids will have somewhere to safely store their beer or cocktail while they play or train for their next 10k run.”

     A Fine Gael spokesperson expressed disappointment at Bailey’s move, stating that it was “a sad day for Irish democracy when a capable politician like Maria is lost to the private sector because of one small slip. In a better country she’d be the next Taoiseach.”

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