
Ireland is set to have a functioning government, a mere eight weeks after the 2024 election with the Regional Independent group propping up Fianna Fail and Fine Gael.
It is understood that Paranoid Android Simon Harris and Micheal ‘Mr. Personality’ Martin have made a number of concessions to the independent group including:
- Unlimited amount of pothole repair for all roads in constituencies represented by the independent group.*
- Weekly chicken fillet roll allowance for each independent TD
- All drinks expenses to be covered at the Dail Bar. **
- Each Independent to have open top parade and civic reception at their local constituency where they can claim to supporters they’re really running the country
- Government Welcome Pack with selection of t-shirts, pencils and stickers saying “I’m in power – pints for everyone.”
- Impunity from internal discipline for spouting absolute horseshit on local radio
* Excluding cycle lanes.
** Alcoholic beverages only.
Talks with Kerry based cute hoors the Healy-Rae brothers broke down after their demands for the Dail to be relocated to Kilgarvan and for Kerrygold florins to be recognised as the offical state currency were rejected out of hand.
In addition Fine Gael and Fianna Fail have agreed to keep up the pretence of being even remotely different until the next election.