Renowned cannibal Hannibal Lecter has endorsed presumptive Democratic nominee Kamala Harris in the American Presidential race.
The move comes after Harris’ opponent, tangerine felon Donald Trump, repeatedly evoked “the later, great Hannibal Lecter” at recent rally speeches.
“Firstly, I am very much alive,” said Lecter. “Secondly, I resent Trump using my name to gain votes. His meat is old and withered, encased in subcutaneous gristle. He trashy diet endemic of the US fast food obsession. The butchered cow is the true symbol of this nation. Besides, the orange coating, which I’ve had in the past, gives me heartburn.”
Lecter spoke more positively about Harris, who he described as “juicy” and “a prime cut.”
“Her meat is younger and leaner due to her healthier lifestyle. She reminds me very much of my old friend Clarice. I have extended Kamala a standing invitation to dinner.”
It’s not all bad news for Republicans as Lecter professed his admiration for Trump’s vice-presidential running mate J.D. Vance.
“Vance said that the votes of parents are worth more than those of childless cat ladies. I have to agree,” said Lecter. “The more children, the more tasty morsels there are to go round. And I don’t eat cats.”