RTE making ‘big plans’ for €225m windfall

The government yesterday announced that RTE will receive €225m in public funding next year. And the state broadcaster is already making big plans to spend the windfall.

In an internal memo, that DTTN has seen a copy of, RTE Director General Kevin Bakhurst outlined the following:

  • New chairs, carpet and massage table for Director General’s office to replace the manky tat Dee Forbes left behind.
  • Noodle and waffle stations at the canteen for Executive use only.
  • A new logo, because, sure, why not? Something generic and bland so the public forget how much they’re paying
  • Internal draw once a month for executives to spin the Winning Streak wheel. All winnings tax-free.
  • A new Renault for poor old Marty Morrissey
  • Throw a few million at Tubridy to gauge his interest. Nothing in writing though.
  • Hire a new class of armed TV license inspectors. Guns preferable, pointy sticks otherwise. The public need to be punished for their insolence.
  • A Fair City theme park.
  • Establish a think tank to examine how we can increase the license fee, and get more off the government.
  • Free trips to Disneyland for all top contractors to prevent them being poached.

DTTN salutes RTE as they continue to rake in cash whilst wasting it faster than a drunk at happy hour. Now, if you’ll excuse us, we’re off to pay another €169.50 for our TV licence.

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