Following yesterday’s bombshell that incumbent Joe Biden will not contest the US Presidential election, Republicans are pivoting hard as it dawns that Donald Trump (78) is statistically closer to senility than Kamala Harris (59).
“We’d captured the youth vote against Biden,” said one Trump campaigner. “Donald is still vital, still the youngest man alive, and Kamala Harris can’t change that. The man is so young he wears diapers, for crissake! Kamala doesn’t even own a diaper.”
Aides also dismissed reports of the Tangerine Felon donating to various Harris campaigns over the years, stating it again demonstrated Trump’s ‘mega galaxy brain’ keeping a tiny hand in both camps.
Concerns that Harris ticks key boxes for female and African-American voters, two demographics who have been alienated by Trump’s hands-on racist approach, have also been downplayed.
“President Trump has touched many women, sometimes even appropriately,” said a Trump source. “He knows what gets them going. As for that other lot, we’ll just wheel out Kanye, or something. We’ve already beaten the woman with Hilary and the other lot with Fake American Obama. Now we beat both! Keep America whi…wait, scrub that last bit”
Trump is believed to have told aides that he is “a tremendous African-American woman, the best” but staff confiscated his phone before he could post on social media.