A local conspiracy theorist is enjoying an ‘I told you so’ moment following the assassination attempt on former US President Donald Trump at a rally in Pennsylvania.
“The deep state Dems conspiracy is behind this,” said Stewie Bannon (57). “First they called him a sex offender, it didn’t stick. Then they called him a felon. That didn’t stick either. Now they’re so desperate they tried to kill him.
Biden obviously ordered the hit to divert attention from his senility and paedophilia. But he reckoned without Donald’s incredible reflexes to dodge the shot and his innate human decency that no bullet can snuff out.
I called this on Twitter after the debate. It was so obvious the Dems were going to take him out. I’m just glad their evil plans have not succeeded. They don’t want such a great man back in the Oval Office as it will smash the elite status quo.”
As for a solution to potential future incidents, Bannon had the following advice:
“The Secret Service failed. They should have vetted every building in a ten mile radius for blood thirsty Dems. That’s why we need more guns. Let’s arm Donald so he can fight back. If there’s one thing more heroic than Donald foiling his enemies, it’s Donald bathing in their blood.
Let’s give him a range of weapons for close or long range targets, and a hunting knife should the situation devolve into arm-to-arm combat so he can make America great again.”