John O’Shea – The Backlash

Following our previous article on cheerleaders for John O’Shea to be appointed as permanent manager of the Irish national men’s soccer team, there has been a significant backlash.

In the interests of balance DTTN has sought opinion from those opposed to appointing the Waterford man. Their thoughts are below:

“The two key metrics for an Ireland manager are possession per 90 minutes and number of debuts given. If you look at John’s performance over the four games he’s just not been up to snuff.” -Stephen Kenny

“I thought John was a good lad until he ate my last Jaffa Cake at a management meeting. Brazen, he was, right in front of me. He’s not to be trusted. Besides, the real managerial talent right now is the player-manager of Cherry Orchard under-10’s. That’s who the FAI need to look at.” – Brian Kerr

“We should appoint a goalkeeper.” – Shay Given

“Decisions should be made rationally, with an under-pinning logic. To that end I’ve devised a mathematical model where the Ireland job is X, O’Shea is Y and the FAI are a wildcard integer….[This continues for several pages – Ed]…in conclusion, when you drop the six and invert the hypotenuse to the power of n then he’s clearly not the right choice.” – Richie Sadlier

“God, I couldn’t care less. Can I go back to doing the GAA now?” – Joanne Cantwell

“O’Shea’s baritone is mellifluous, his countenance beatific, but he’s a blaa in sheep’s clothing. Appointing O’Shea would be like asking Hannibal Lecter to go vegan. That man has never eaten tofu! We’d be pushing against the grain like Nazi soldiers trudging wearily towards Leningrad in 1941. Demoralised vegan Nazis. That’s not what we want for Irish football.” – Ken Early, Second Captains

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