Sunak promises uplifting musical campaign

UK Prime Minister Rishi Sunak’s election announcement was upstaged yesterday by both the rain and a wag playing Things Can Only Get Better by D:Ream.

The song was famously used by Tony Blair when Labour swept to election victory in 1997.

The Tory head lizard reacted by stating that Election 2024 would be an uplifting musical experience for the electorate.

“Our research shows that many people enjoy listening to music,” said Sunak. “I am a person too and I also enjoy this music thing.”

Sunak will travel the country in his Rishimobile – a security reinforced Land Rover – blaring music to appeal to all demographics.

“Yesterday, for example, I may have used Why Does It Always Rain On Me by the SNP. I will clarify, that I did not lie when I was 17. In fact I have never lied about anything, ever. Unlike the SNP.

Of course younger voters enjoy Taylor Swift, who’s a top chap. I have all his records.

With it being a summer election we’ll have upbeat ditties like Walking on Sunshine and Happy for the gritty urban crowd.

Everywhere we go we’ll play our theme song Don’t Leave Me This Way by The Communards. The people need to understand that if they think we’re bad Starmer will be even worse. He doesn’t even know who Taylor Swift is!”

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