By Chuck E. Cheeser, American tax-payer and patriot
Well, gosh darn it, I read yesterday’s article in this fine publication saying snooker was racist and I near choked on my Honey Vanilla Cheerios.
I’m no snooker expert, but that woman was talking baloney. I’ve done my research and what is clear is that snooker is a family-friendly game and an allegory for the fall of communism.
If you don’t know what an allegory is, and I didn’t until yesterday, it’s something that has a hidden meaning, typically a moral or political one.
With snooker it’s all about the red balls.
At the start of each game a bunch of reds (Communists) are huddled together. There’s more of them than any other ball, strength in numbers (or so they think) and they have the lowest value.
There is only one of each other ball colour. These balls are strong, individualistic, believers in a free market. Each is worth more than the cowardly reds.
The white ball (market forces) dispatches the reds from the table and they do not return as their ideology has failed. The other balls return after they get potted, growing in strength and market value.
So, Little Miss Leftie, snooker is not racist, but an upholder of great American and capitalist traditions. There should be a snooker table in every home in America!