New Ireland manager to be selected by raffle

The new manager of the men’s senior international manager is to be selected by raffle, the FAI has announced.

The post has been vacant since Stephen Kenny’s departure in November, but now the FAI are confident they are close to landing their man, woman or child.

“It’s been a tough few months,” said an FAI source. “We’ve been monitoring the papers to see who we should interview, but they’ve been no help at all.

So, we’ve decided to take matters into our own hands. The raffle is an exciting first for international football – one ticket for three quid, a roll of five for a tenner.

The money will be rolling in. And the cuteness of it is we’ll have enough to pay the salaries for the new management team, whoever they are, and maybe even a few bob for some pints.”

Football pundits have reacted to the announcement with scepticism. However, reports that staunch FAI critic Eamon Dunphy has combusted with rage remain unconfirmed.

“It’s the ultimate in football democracy,” concluded the FAI source. “You think you’re better than Stephen Kenny, then buy a ticket and put your money where your mouth is.”

The draw to decide the new manager will take place after the next international break.

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