Taylor Swift single-handedly wins Super Bowl for Kansas City

Pop superstar Taylor Swift is today celebrating being the first woman to win the Super Bowl after her Kansas City Chiefs beat the San Francisco 49ers in a dramatic overtime finish.

Swift was named player of the match after throwing and catching the pass for the winning touchdown. Swift also kicked the field goal that took the game to overtime and made a crucial block on a 49er conversion attempt.

Kansas head coach Andy Reid praised Swift stating that “she is the heart, lungs, brain and melodious voice of the team. And she looks great in red.”

Swift celebrated her monumental achievement by live streaming tracks from her upcoming album The Tortured Poets Department for selected guests in the Kansas dressing room.

Amongst the selected few were Swift’s boyfriend Travis Kelce and lucky competition winner Patrick Mahomes.

“This is Taylor’s world, we’re just living in it,” said Mahomes. “She’s an inspiration to us all.”

Swift was not available for comment, but sources close to the singer suggest that her next challenge will be to write a song so beautiful that it will instantly bring peace to the Middle East and Ukraine.

DTTN congratulates Swift on her incredible sustained brilliance.

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