Under fire Minister for Justice Helen McEntee and Garda Commissioner Drew Harris have announced a ‘back to basics’ plan to combat potential future street violence following last Thursday’s Dublin riots.
“We’ve studied other nation’s approaches with body-cams, hi-tech gizmos and adequate policing, but frankly that’s not for us,” said McEntee. “Ireland has a proud history of peaceful non-intervention and we intend to respect that.”
“We’re going to shame these rapscallions into ceasing their tomfoolery,” said Harris. “And Helen and I will lead by example.”
Under the measures announced, at the first sign of trouble in the capital McEntee and Harris will handcuff themselves to the statue of Charles Stewart Parnell at the top of O’Connell Street clutching signs urging street urchins to be ‘Careful Now’ and ‘Down with this sort of thing.’
“The idea came to us from watching old episodes of Father Ted,” said McEntee. “You’d be surprised how much government policy is influenced by the show.”
“Our Gardai on the street could learn a lot from watching Ted and Dougal,” added Harris.
Should the signs and handcuffs not work, the pair’s contingency plan is to dress Pauline McLynn in riot gear and send her to soothe tensions with the offer of a nice cup of tea.