Far-Right Dublin residents unable to contain excitement for Black Friday

The nation was in shock last night as far-right Dublin residents jumped the gun for Black Friday sales and rioted across the city-centre.

Shops on O’Connell Street and Henry Street, including landmark department store Arnotts, suffered extensive damage and looting as hordes of far-right consumers made off with new runners, TVs and whatever else they could shove up their puffer jackets.

“I was going to queue up overnight for a tablet,” one patron told DTTN, “but I didn’t want all those non-nationals with no jobs getting there before me. These are Iocal shops for local people.”

“Why is it called even called Black Friday?” asked another confused punter as he wheeled away a trolley full of Asics runners. “We need to keep Ireland white, like these runners. 50 yo-yos a pop for whoever’s interested.”

Many of the ‘White Thursday’ shoppers, as they are insisting on being called, bemoaned the lack of public transport to get them home after they had attacked and destroyed several buses and a Luas tram.

Meanwhile, other far-right consumers across the country have complained of not being able to avail of White Thursday offers in their locale, but hope to partake next year

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