Local man dissolves in heatwave

A local man has literally dissolved in front of horrified onlookers as temperatures today soared into the 30s.

Manny Mannix (46), known locally as ‘Moany’, was famed for his incessant disdain towards any prevailing weather conditions.

“Moany never found a day that wasn’t too cold, too wet, too windy or too mild,” said one witness, “So when he said he was literally melting we took no notice.”

However, friends became concerned when Mannix’s legs started dissolving into the footpath as he held court outside Centra.

“It was different this time. Fellas did everything to help,” said another witness. “We brought him cans of Fanta and choc ices from the Centra. One lad even got him a pint glass of Bulmers, with ice, from the pub.”

Attempts to save Mannix proved futile as the local bachelor rapidly evaporated into the footpath.

“It couldn’t have taken more than 20 minutes from beginning to end,” said a friend. “The poor fucker never even got to finish his pint.”

Locals have saluted Mannix’s stoic reaction to his impending doom, noting the sharp contrast to his usual demeanour.

“He just shrugged and sipped his Bulmers, as if he’d been preparing for this moment his whole life. What a legend.”

In the wake of Mannix’s death the local Centra are offering half price 99s and soft drinks to all mourners.

Spread the love

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.