Concerns for local student who can’t stop quoting Father Ted

Concerns are growing for a local student who will only communicate using quotes from legendary sitcom Father Ted.

Noel Furlong (19) has not completed a non Ted related sentence since watching a box set of the entire series two weeks ago.

“He was bored last week and I suggested he try Father Ted, which he’d never seen. By Christ do I regret it,” said Furlong’s father.

“He won’t stop telling me to feck off,” said Furlong’s mother. “And his incessant demands for drink, arse and girls are getting fierce wearing.”

DTTN contacted Furlong to ask the Philosophy student when he planned to cop on. Furlong responded “that would be an ecumenical matter” and badgered us with incessant offers of tea until we hung up.

“We’ve tried communicating on his level by making ‘Careful Now’ and ‘Down with This Sort of Thing’ signs, but he just ignored us,” said his father.

Since the weekend Furlong has entered a dangerous phase of simultaneously acting the parts of physically abusive shop owners John and Mary.

“He’s beating the shite out of himself,” said his mother. “You should see the bruises.”

Furlong’s parents have called on the three bishops from their closest dioceses to intervene, but so far they have been reluctant to act.

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