Cork robot trees to double as security patrol

Cork city’s robot trees have taken on a second job, just days after their official unveiling.

The €350k trees on Patrick Street and Grand Parade are to be deployed as on street security to stop late night anti-social behaviour.

“With all the pubs shutting at 11.30, and your usual teenage gobshites on e-scooters, it can get a bit tense at night,” said a council spokesperson.

“The Guards are busy enough turning a blind eye to pubs and restaurants not checking Covid certs. We can’t expect them to be tackling drunken yahoos as well. That’s where the robots come in.”

The robot trees, which are designed to filter dust particles and other pollutants, have been equipped with BMX wheels, and pepper spray to allow them clean the scum from the street. The moss covering the trees will be cut into aggressive shapes modelled after Robert De Niro’s character in Taxi Driver.

“We’ve tested out a robot tree on wheels and it can reach up to 35km/h” said the council spokesperson. “Any langer pissing on the ATM in Grand Parade will get the gawks when they see a big mossy lad with a mohawk coming at them with a flick knife.”

The robot tree patrol will be trialled in Cork this weekend.

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