Satirical Irish News
Renowned cannibal Hannibal Lecter has endorsed presumptive Democratic nominee Kamala Harris in the American Presidential race.
The move comes after Harris’ opponent, tangerine felon Donald Trump, repeatedly evoked “the later, great Hannibal Lecter” at recent rally speeches.
Continue reading “Hannibal Lecter endorses ‘juicy’ Kamala Harris”
Following yesterday’s bombshell that incumbent Joe Biden will not contest the US Presidential election, Republicans are pivoting hard as it dawns that Donald Trump (78) is statistically closer to senility than Kamala Harris (59).
“We’d captured the youth vote against Biden,” said one Trump campaigner. “Donald is still vital, still the youngest man alive, and Kamala Harris can’t change that. The man is so young he wears diapers, for crissake! Kamala doesn’t even own a diaper.”
Continue reading “Republicans scramble to maintain advantage for ‘youngest man alive’ Trump”By: Willy E. Coyote, Local Historian
Today marks the 55 year anniversary of the 1969 American ‘moon landing’ when ‘astronauts’ Buzz Aldrin, Michael Collins and Neil Armstrong supposedly set foot on the lunar surface.
Official America will mark this is a cause for celebration, but the only achievement was the greatest, and most elaborate, con-job in human history.
Continue reading “Opinion: 55 Years since ‘moon landing’ – the greatest con-job in human history”
Former England footballer manager Gareth Southgate is in line to become the next James Bond, producers have announced.
Southgate, who bravely led the Three Lions to a further eight years hurt, is considered the perfect candidate to drag the often archaic franchise into the 21st century.
“Gareth created a friendlier, more inclusive England. And we want to use his skill set to create a friendlier, more inclusive Bond,” said a source.
Continue reading “Southgate to become next James Bond”
A local conspiracy theorist is enjoying an ‘I told you so’ moment following the assassination attempt on former US President Donald Trump at a rally in Pennsylvania.
“The deep state Dems conspiracy is behind this,” said Stewie Bannon (57). “First they called him a sex offender, it didn’t stick. Then they called him a felon. That didn’t stick either. Now they’re so desperate they tried to kill him.
Continue reading “Local conspiracy theorist feeling vindicated following Trump assassination attempt”
Several high profile Tory ‘Big Beasts’ who lost their seats in last week’s general election have banded together to release a unique cover version of Africa by Toto.
Penny Mordaunt, Jacob Rees-Mogg, Liz Truss and more have been busy in the studio, recording a lament to the Tories Rwanda plan, which was callously scrapped by new Prime Minister Keir Starmer.
Continue reading “Deposed Tory Big Beasts release Africa cover version”
Media mogul lizard Rupert Murdoch made the headlines again this weekend after getting married for the fifth time.
The Australian (93) tied the knot with Elena Zhukova (67) in California on Saturday, but one local woman is already looking ahead to Murdoch’s next marriage.
Sharon Curley (64), a retired hairdresser and former proprietor of Short and Curleys salon, told DTTN that she had already sent a detailed proposal to Fox Executives to pass on to Murdoch.
Continue reading “Local woman plans on being Rupert Murdoch’s sixth wife”
Outgoing Mexican President Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador has vowed that the country will build a wall to keep out American felons like Donald Trump.
With the Mexican general election taking place on Sunday all parties have agreed that a wall, the larger the better, is the only way to keep Mexican citizens safe from the demon Americano.
Continue reading “Mexican President vows to build wall to keep out Trump”
A local influencer has been left traumatised after weeks of exposure to posters for the upcoming local and European elections.
“They’re just so gaudy, so tacky,” said Camilla Chamomile (25), “the colour schemes are sickly, the shots off centre. So, so just not Insta worthy.”
Chamomile has been so upset by the posters that she is now afraid to leave her apartment until after election day on 7th June.
Continue reading “Local Influencer traumatised by ‘gaudy’ election posters”
The Dublin-New York livestream portal is back online. And while many have complained about heavy-handed moderation, one local man is dealing with a whole other level of disappointment.
Colm Lewis (54), who travelled to Dublin by bus yesterday, shocked onlookers when he attempted to fling himself through the portal on North Earl Street.
Continue reading “Local man disappointed that portal doesn’t lead to Narnia”