Satirical Irish News
UK Prime Minister Liz Truss and Chancellor for the Exchequer Kwasi Kwarteng are to appear on the new series of Eat Well for Less, the BBC has announced.
The show, hosted by Chris Bavin and Jordan Banjo, helps families across the UK save money by examining their grocery spend and cooking from scratch.
Continue reading “Truss and Kwarteng to appear on Eat Well for Less”
As the UK continues to mourn Queen Elizabeth II, her successor King Charles III has been growing accustomed to his new role.
Monday brought the good news that Charles would be exempt from inheritance tax on the vast fortune he is being bequeathed. The monarch celebrated by putting staff at his Clarence House residence on notice for redundancy.
Continue reading “King Charles battles pen as preparations for Queen’s funeral continue”
Country superstar Garth Brooks is in the midst of a five night residency at Croke Park. And Data Scientists from UCD are predicting that the singer will be sending fans home with more than a smile and a Stetson.
With 400,000 fans in attendance, the gigs are the nation’s greatest collective event since Pope John Paul II graced The Phoenix Park in 1979. The Pope’s visit resulted in a spike in child births nine months later, and according to UCD boffins the summer of 2023 could see similar results.
Continue reading “Garth Brooks gigs to ignite 2023 birth rate explosion”
UK Prime Minister has stunned the British public just 24 hours after the death of Queen Elizabeth II, by claiming that she is now their Queen.
“I am The One True Liz,” said Truss at a Downing Street press conference. “Queenie realised this country wasn’t big enough for the both of us. She’d knew she’d met her match. Royal blood is no match for fresh blood.”
Continue reading “Truss: I am your Queen now”
Spanish football giant Barcelona has shocked the sporting world by making an audacious bid for former US President Donald Trump.
The Catalan club, which is pulling more levers than a bus load of OAPs on a weekend in Vegas, has already signed five players this summer despite not paying the full wages of a number of squad members.
Continue reading “Barcelona make shock Trump transfer bid”
As FBI agents continue to rustle through classified documents and Big Mac wrappers at Mar-a-Lago, former US President Donald Trump has a launched a stinging attack on Democrat ‘snakes.’
“Rules and laws are for Democrats. That’s why I’ve proudly represented the GOP since coming down the Golden Escalators in 2015 – we don’t follow rules; we make them, tremendously. Look at how we dealt with those women wanting abortions, or those anti-gun nuts,” said Trump.
Continue reading “Trump: Democrats unlawfully applying the law”
Entertainment network E! has named Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky as the best dressed leader in the current Russia-Ukraine conflict.
The network, the single greatest continuous inanity in human history, bestowed the honour on OMG Ukraine!, an hour long special discussing the war.
Continue reading “E! names Zelensky as best dressed leader”
Russian government officials are to take on the running of the Premier League’s Video Assistant Referee (VAR) system from next season.
VAR, which was designed to eliminate controversy from the game, has only added an extra layer of incompetence to proceedings. But it seems the Premier League has found a solution.
Continue reading “Russian Officials to take over running of Premier League VAR”
British Prime Minister Boris Johnson is somehow still clinging to power despite doing more dodgy shit than every character from The Sopranos combined
Johnson is facing overwhelming public condemnation for multiple lockdown breaching Downing Street parties. And in a stunning statement the PM has turned the tables by launching a scathing attack on his critics.
Continue reading “Johnson to release cover of Fight for your Right”
British Prime Minister is to host a new version of popular 90’s show Noel’s House Party, the BBC has announced.
The news comes following revelations that Johnson attended a number of lockdown flouting Downing Street shindigs last December, including a table quiz he hosted.
Continue reading “Boris Johnson to host re-launched Noel’s House Party”