Satirical Irish News
Hip hop trio Kneecap have announced that they will jointly run in this year’s Presidential Election.
In a surprise move, it is expected that Mo Chara, Móglaí Bap and DJ Próvaí will run under the banner of the newly formed Fuck the Brits, Free Palestine and Ketamine for All Party.
Continue reading “Kneecap to run in Presidential Election”
A local teenager has been left confused after encountering a CD for the first time during today’s Spotify outage.
Billy Silly (15) usually listens to his Spotify playlists when studying, but was left without music when the streaming service was temporarily unavailable.
Continue reading “Local teenager encounters CD following Spotify outage”
A local man has created a stir by taking a blow up doll out for a romantic Valentine’s dinner at Don Carlos’ Italian restaurant.
Johnny Romeo (28) booked a table for two at the popular eatery with his date ‘Jennifer,’ named after his favourite Hollywood star Jennifer Lawrence.
“It’s all pure classy,” said Romeo. “I dressed her up like Jennifer’s character Katniss from The Hunger Games. But left the bow and arrow at home!”
Despite spending the duration of their meal getting perturbed glances from other diners, Romeo thoroughly enjoyed his large Hawaiian pizza and side of cheesy garlic bread. Jennifer did not order.
“She’s on a diet for her next role. I don’t like the crusts, so she had them. And we shared a bottle of wine,” said Romeo.
Romeo took the unorthodox move after growing tired of the usual dating apps.
“I’ve tried them all, but I never get a bite,” said the software engineer. “I posted all types of photos – sensitive with a puppy, intellectual holding a book and even some saucy dick pics for a select few lucky ladies. Jennifer doesn’t care about any of that. She just accepts me as I am.”
Following their meal the pair adjourned to Romeo’s apartment where they relaxed by watching one of Jennifer’s movies, before retiring for an early night.
White House officials are desperately scrambling today to keep knowledge of South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut from President Trump.
The 1999 film saw the US, led by South Park resident Sheila Broflovski, declare war on Canada over the foul-mouthed antics of Canadian entertainers Terrance and Phillip.
Fresh from slapping 25% tariffs on Canadian goods, it is understand the Orange Felon remains bullish, and may be looking to make further moves to punish the 51st state. And evangelical Christian groups are understood to be pushing for censorship on Canadian ‘filth.’
Continue reading “Worried aides trying to keep Trump away from South Park film”
Billionaire douche nozzle Elon Musk has announced he is to write a bestselling memoir.
The South African haemorrhoid made the announcement at the inauguration of his sock puppet Donald Trump.
The book, titled My Struggle, will take readers on a spell binding journey from Musk’s privileged, diamond mine owning, childhood in Pretoria, to his purchase of Tesla and desecration of the memory of Nikola Tesla, right through to taking charge of and completely obliterating Twitter purely to massage his Jupiterian ego.
Continue reading “My Struggle: Elon Musk to write bestselling memoir”
Renowned cannibal Hannibal Lecter has endorsed presumptive Democratic nominee Kamala Harris in the American Presidential race.
The move comes after Harris’ opponent, tangerine felon Donald Trump, repeatedly evoked “the later, great Hannibal Lecter” at recent rally speeches.
Continue reading “Hannibal Lecter endorses ‘juicy’ Kamala Harris”
The government yesterday announced that RTE will receive €225m in public funding next year. And the state broadcaster is already making big plans to spend the windfall.
In an internal memo, that DTTN has seen a copy of, RTE Director General Kevin Bakhurst outlined the following:
Continue reading “RTE making ‘big plans’ for €225m windfall”By: Willy E. Coyote, Local Historian
Today marks the 55 year anniversary of the 1969 American ‘moon landing’ when ‘astronauts’ Buzz Aldrin, Michael Collins and Neil Armstrong supposedly set foot on the lunar surface.
Official America will mark this is a cause for celebration, but the only achievement was the greatest, and most elaborate, con-job in human history.
Continue reading “Opinion: 55 Years since ‘moon landing’ – the greatest con-job in human history”
Supervillians aren’t what they used to be.
Gru from the Despicable Me series is voiced by a 40 year old virgin and lives a dull suburban existence with his wife, four children and strange yellow pets.
Previously he had plans to steal the moon, but all he’s doing now is dreading his high school reunion. How bourgeois. Are we supposed to root for this colourless eunuch? And since when are villains protagonists?
Continue reading “Films with Dion Hegarty – Despicable Me 4”
Several high profile Tory ‘Big Beasts’ who lost their seats in last week’s general election have banded together to release a unique cover version of Africa by Toto.
Penny Mordaunt, Jacob Rees-Mogg, Liz Truss and more have been busy in the studio, recording a lament to the Tories Rwanda plan, which was callously scrapped by new Prime Minister Keir Starmer.
Continue reading “Deposed Tory Big Beasts release Africa cover version”