Satirical Irish News
Renowned cannibal Hannibal Lecter has endorsed presumptive Democratic nominee Kamala Harris in the American Presidential race.
The move comes after Harris’ opponent, tangerine felon Donald Trump, repeatedly evoked “the later, great Hannibal Lecter” at recent rally speeches.
Continue reading “Hannibal Lecter endorses ‘juicy’ Kamala Harris”
The government yesterday announced that RTE will receive €225m in public funding next year. And the state broadcaster is already making big plans to spend the windfall.
In an internal memo, that DTTN has seen a copy of, RTE Director General Kevin Bakhurst outlined the following:
Continue reading “RTE making ‘big plans’ for €225m windfall”By: Willy E. Coyote, Local Historian
Today marks the 55 year anniversary of the 1969 American ‘moon landing’ when ‘astronauts’ Buzz Aldrin, Michael Collins and Neil Armstrong supposedly set foot on the lunar surface.
Official America will mark this is a cause for celebration, but the only achievement was the greatest, and most elaborate, con-job in human history.
Continue reading “Opinion: 55 Years since ‘moon landing’ – the greatest con-job in human history”
Supervillians aren’t what they used to be.
Gru from the Despicable Me series is voiced by a 40 year old virgin and lives a dull suburban existence with his wife, four children and strange yellow pets.
Previously he had plans to steal the moon, but all he’s doing now is dreading his high school reunion. How bourgeois. Are we supposed to root for this colourless eunuch? And since when are villains protagonists?
Continue reading “Films with Dion Hegarty – Despicable Me 4”
Several high profile Tory ‘Big Beasts’ who lost their seats in last week’s general election have banded together to release a unique cover version of Africa by Toto.
Penny Mordaunt, Jacob Rees-Mogg, Liz Truss and more have been busy in the studio, recording a lament to the Tories Rwanda plan, which was callously scrapped by new Prime Minister Keir Starmer.
Continue reading “Deposed Tory Big Beasts release Africa cover version”
UK doctors have warned about a dangerous surge in sudden onset narcolepsy this weekend due to Coldplay’s performance at Glastonbury and the continued tediousness of England’s football team at the Euros.
“Narcolepsy causes patients to feel drowsy and need to sleep during the daytime,” said an NHS doctor. “The causes are not always clear, but this weekend we have seen a spike due to Coldplay and the football.”
Continue reading “Coldplay, England football team causing spike in sudden onset narcolepsy warns NHS”
The ongoing diss war between hip-hop stars Kendrick Lamar and Drake has captivated the entertainment world in the last week.
And many politicians have taken inspiration from the feuding rap titans, whose tracks have contained allegations of paedophilia and domestic abuse, with Lamar’s latest diss track Not Like Us appears providing particular inspiration.
Continue reading “Lamar-Drake diss war inspires politicians around the world”
A Taylor Swift fan has tragically died after spontaneously combusting.
The incident occurred after the singer released a surprise additional 15 tracks for a double edition of her new album The Tortured Poets Department in the early hours of Friday morning.
Mega ‘Swiftie’ Coco Corcoran (19) was listening to the album with friends when news of the additional tracks broke.
“It was awful,” said one friend. “One minute we were all singing along to Fortnight, the next thing we know charred bits of Coco were all over the room. My top was ruined.”
Satan is to launch a reboot of the Naked Gun comedy series starring OJ Simpson.
In a surprise announcement The Prince of Darkness, who is a huge fan of the 1990s comedy series, is to direct with OJ Simpson to reprise his role as Detective Nordberg.
“I’ve been waiting for OJ’s arrival,” said Satan. “He’s the final piece in the jigsaw. The man just looks sensational in a pair of gloves and can handle a car at any speed. That’s star quality.”
Continue reading “Satan to launch Naked Gun reboot with OJ Simpson”
Cork and its inhabitants are going to be even more insufferable than usual after Cillian Murphy won Best Actor at last night’s Oscars.
“Cillian is pure sound,” said one Cork feen. “This Oscar is for all of us; every man, woman and child of Cork. And we’re all looking forward to our turn to have the Oscar in the good room for the night.”
Continue reading “Cork to be even more insufferable after Cillian Murphy Oscar win”