Opinion: Gary Lineker is out of touch with reality

By Sir Rupert Ramsbottom-Wigglechin III

There’s been a load of balderdash spoken about Gary Lineker and his Match of the Day chums in the past few days, and frankly it’s putting me right off my gin and victuals.

As I’ve said to anyone who’ll listen; the maid, the gardener, the nanny, BBC lifers like Lineker are overpaid, institutionalised, and out of touch with reality. The man wouldn’t know hardship if it hit him with a rolled up copy of The Daily Mail.

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Football fans urge early pub reopening to allow us laugh at England

Football fans around the country are calling for indoor pub service to be brought forward to allow us laugh at England’s inevitable disastrous exit from Euro 2020.

“Laughing at English failures in the football is a great national tradition,” said a fan spokesperson. “Especially when we haven’t qualified yet again.”

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Exclusive: Inside plans for the abandoned European Super League

With less than 48 hours passing between its announcement and the Premier League clubs withdrawing, the European Super League was shot down faster than an African-American in a gated community.  

Details leaked in the media were sketchy. However, DTTN has obtained a secret dossier after lobbing Florentino Perez a fiver and a book of expired McDonald’s vouchers.

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