Spanish football giant Barcelona has shocked the sporting
world by making an audacious bid for former US President Donald Trump.
The Catalan club, which is pulling more levers than a bus
load of OAPs on a weekend in Vegas, has already signed five players this summer
despite not paying the full wages of a number of squad members.
Continue reading “Barcelona make shock Trump transfer bid”
Russian government officials are to take on the running of
the Premier League’s Video Assistant Referee (VAR) system from next season.
VAR, which was designed to eliminate controversy from the
game, has only added an extra layer of incompetence to proceedings. But it
seems the Premier League has found a solution.
Continue reading “Russian Officials to take over running of Premier League VAR”
A local priest is
awaiting his penance after drunkenly horsing into the communion host on Sunday
Fr. Seamus Cleary had gone to watch the big match at the local pub, with the intention of having a couple of glasses of stout.
Continue reading “Local priest horses into communion host after feed of pints”
Cristiano Ronaldo shocked the football world today by
agreeing a return to Manchester United, twelve years after leaving Old Trafford
for Real Madrid.
Ronaldo had been widely expected to sign for Manchester City,
but the lure of lining up alongside the likes of Phil Jones and Scott McTominay
proved too much for the Portuguese star.
Continue reading “Ronaldo to Manchester United – The Inside Story”
Football fans around the country are calling for indoor pub
service to be brought forward to allow us laugh at England’s inevitable
disastrous exit from Euro 2020.
“Laughing at English failures in the football is a great
national tradition,” said a fan spokesperson. “Especially when we haven’t
qualified yet again.”
Continue reading “Football fans urge early pub reopening to allow us laugh at England”
Doctors are to prescribe world snooker champion Mark Selby
as a cure for insomnia.
The ironically monikered Jester from Leicester, who has
defeated Shaun Murphy to win his fourth world crown, is renowned for his
lugubrious manner and deathly dull playing style.
Continue reading “Doctors to prescribe Mark Selby as insomnia cure”
With less than 48 hours passing between its announcement and
the Premier League clubs withdrawing, the European Super League was shot down
faster than an African-American in a gated community.
Details leaked in the media were sketchy. However,
DTTN has obtained a secret dossier after
lobbing Florentino Perez a fiver and a book of expired McDonald’s vouchers. Continue reading “Exclusive: Inside plans for the abandoned European Super League”
Premier league leaders Liverpool have tweeted confirmation
that they are claiming victory in the current season, despite only seven games
“We have claimed, for championship purposes, the Premier
League season,” said the club’s official Twitter account. “The table shows a
BIG Liverpool lead.”
Continue reading “Liverpool tweet Premier League victory claims”
Not content with bringing the country to a screeching halt,
Covid-19 now has its eyes set on an inter-county GAA call up.
The virus told
that it has been “training hard” since Level 5 restrictions were announced in
the hope of being picked for a county panel. Continue reading “Covid-19 training hard in hope of inter-county call up”
Roy Keane has called out Covid-19, accusing it of being a
The former Ireland and Manchester United captain launched
his broadside as Sky Sports debated Covid’s impact on the Premier League.
Continue reading “Keane – Covid is a sloppy pandemic”