Satirical Irish News
Sofa lover JD Vance is to step down as the Vice-Presidential candidate on the Trump ticket with immediate effect, it has been announced.
Vance, whose passion for soft furnishings is legendary, is to take up a new role in the couch department of retail giant IKEA.
Continue reading “Vance steps down from Trump ticket, takes role at IKEA”
The government yesterday announced that RTE will receive €225m in public funding next year. And the state broadcaster is already making big plans to spend the windfall.
In an internal memo, that DTTN has seen a copy of, RTE Director General Kevin Bakhurst outlined the following:
Continue reading “RTE making ‘big plans’ for €225m windfall”
Roderic O’Gorman has today been elected as the new leader of the Green Party. And the Dubliner did not wait long to unveil audacious plans to turn the entire country into one giant cycle path.
“We’ve already laid down hundreds of kilometres of cycle paths in unsafe and unsuitable locations that very few, if any, cyclists will ever use,” said O’ Gorman. “People will say the Greens are out of touch doing this, but it is the people who are wrong.
Continue reading “Roderic O’Gorman to turn nation into giant cycle path”
The political world is still abuzz from last night’s Presidential Debate on CNN where whipper snapper Donald Trump (78) put old man Joe Biden (81) in his place.
“I’m young, so, so young. And energetic, I run marathons as I sleep!” said Trump. “Doctors say I may be the single most vital man in human history. The only thing Joe has running is his nose.
Continue reading “Youthful Trump vows to Make America Cool Again”
Ireland’s new Minister for Finance Jack Chambers has hit back at commentators taking jabs at his relative youth.
The 33 year old, who has become the second youngest Minister for Finance in the state’s history, told DTTN over juice and cookies that the comments were just “begrudgery” and “reverse ageism.”
Continue reading “Jack Chambers hits back at ‘too young’ comments”
Following our previous article on cheerleaders for John O’Shea to be appointed as permanent manager of the Irish national men’s soccer team, there has been a significant backlash.
In the interests of balance DTTN has sought opinion from those opposed to appointing the Waterford man. Their thoughts are below:
Continue reading “John O’Shea – The Backlash”
The John O’Shea fan club, comprising of RTE Sport and the Ireland old boys club, is continuing to push for the Waterford man to be made permanent manager of the men’s senior football team.
Despite four mediocre performances yielding a solitary win courtesy of a comically butchered counter, O’Shea’s cheerleaders can’t stop singing his praises. Below are some of their recent pronouncements:
A local influencer has been left traumatised after weeks of exposure to posters for the upcoming local and European elections.
“They’re just so gaudy, so tacky,” said Camilla Chamomile (25), “the colour schemes are sickly, the shots off centre. So, so just not Insta worthy.”
Chamomile has been so upset by the posters that she is now afraid to leave her apartment until after election day on 7th June.
Continue reading “Local Influencer traumatised by ‘gaudy’ election posters”
Tanaiste and Angry Cork Man Micheál Martin has challenged rogue Fianna Fail MEP candidate Niall Blaney to throw up fists in a stunning rant.
The challenge was made after Blaney openly criticised the Fianna Fail electoral machine at press conference attended by Martin.
Continue reading “Micheál Martin taking out dissidents in Fianna Fail ‘Fight Club’”
UK Prime Minister Rishi Sunak’s election announcement was upstaged yesterday by both the rain and a wag playing Things Can Only Get Better by D:Ream.
The song was famously used by Tony Blair when Labour swept to election victory in 1997.
The Tory head lizard reacted by stating that Election 2024 would be an uplifting musical experience for the electorate.
Continue reading “Sunak promises uplifting musical campaign”