Satirical Irish News
A local priest is awaiting his penance after drunkenly horsing into the communion host on Sunday evening.
Fr. Seamus Cleary had gone to watch the big match at the local pub, with the intention of having a couple of glasses of stout.
Continue reading “Local priest horses into communion host after feed of pints”
A local man has told of his fear of transforming into a horse after recently completing a month’s supply of Ivermectin.
Pony Sugrue (32) told DTTN that he had procured the commonly used horse and cattle dewormer from the local vet who “owed me a favour.”
Continue reading “Local man fears turning into horse after taking Ivermectin to ward off Covid”
A local woman has already started queueing for Garth Brooks tickets, despite the country singer not yet being confirmed for any Irish shows.
Following his aborted Croke Park dates in 2014, reports are circulating that Brooks, who the nation remains inexplicably obsessed with, is set for five Dublin gigs next September.
Continue reading “Local woman is first in line for Garth Brooks tickets”
A local character has been arrested by Gardai after a prank filmed for his YouTube channel backfired.
Teddy O’Toole (47) was spotted driving very slowly up and down past the Garda station drinking a four pack of Guinness 0.0 and filming himself with his phone.
Continue reading “Local character arrested after alcohol free Guinness prank backfires”
A local father has expressed his disgust at the selection of sandwiches on offer for his daughter’s university graduation ceremony.
Due to Covid regulations all ceremonies are being performed remotely, with parchments sent to graduates by post.
Continue reading “Local Father disgusted by sandwich selection at daughter’s graduation ceremony”
Concerns are growing for a local student who will only communicate using quotes from legendary sitcom Father Ted.
Noel Furlong (19) has not completed a non Ted related sentence since watching a box set of the entire series two weeks ago.
Continue reading “Concerns for local student who can’t stop quoting Father Ted”
Local office worker Dina Dineen was shocked this week to discover that she no longer existed due to a data entry error.
Dineen, a popular and long-term employee of Mega Tech Corp, was accidentally omitted from a database of employees that was uploaded to the company’s new benefits portal.
Continue reading “Office worker ceases to exist due to admin error”
A Fianna Fail councillor has called on St. Patrick to return to Ireland to banish Covid-19 from our shores.
Patsy Potato told DTTN that our national day of celebration marks an appropriate time for Patrick to “get off his bony arse.”
Continue reading “Fianna Fail Councillor calls on St. Patrick to banish Covid from Ireland”
A local stoner had a life altering experience this Monday after seeing a cloud that looked just like a massive fluffy badger.
Jay Johnson, who has watched The Big Lebowski 87 times and self-identifies as ‘The Dude’, was, puffing his way through a fat spliff at the local park when he spotted the odd sight.
Continue reading “Local Stoner visited by really wise badger”
Die Hard featured Bruce Willis as John McClane, crawling around Nakatomi Towers to save his wife, and other hostages, from the evil clutches of Alan Rickman’s terrorist Hans Gruber.
And one local man just can’t stop recreating the film’s iconic scenes, much to the detriment of his family Christmas celebrations.
Continue reading “Local man won’t stop re-enacting Die Hard every Christmas”