Category: Local

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Roads fixed for all – inside the regional independents deal for government

Ireland is set to have a functioning government, a mere eight weeks after the 2024 election with the Regional Independent group propping up Fianna Fail and Fine Gael.

It is understood that Paranoid Android Simon Harris and Micheal ‘Mr. Personality’ Martin have made a number of concessions to the independent group including:

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Local man plans on owning Ireland’s first Cybertruck

A local man has announced his plans to acquire Ireland’s first Cybertruck.

Eoin Mutch (58) told anyone in the pub who’d listen, and several who didn’t want to, that he’d already been in contact with Tesla to acquire one of their controversial electric trucks.

The Cybertruck, which is not yet available in Europe, retails in the US at around $100,000 and has attracted negative reviews for it’s design flaws, quickness to break down and looking like a tin of beans on wheels.

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Local woman plans on being Rupert Murdoch’s sixth wife

Media mogul lizard Rupert Murdoch made the headlines again this weekend after getting married for the fifth time.

The Australian (93) tied the knot with Elena Zhukova (67) in California on Saturday, but one local woman is already looking ahead to Murdoch’s next marriage.

Sharon Curley (64), a retired hairdresser and former proprietor of Short and Curleys salon, told DTTN that she had already sent a detailed proposal to Fox Executives to pass on to Murdoch.

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Local Influencer traumatised by ‘gaudy’ election posters

A local influencer has been left traumatised after weeks of exposure to posters for the upcoming local and European elections.

“They’re just so gaudy, so tacky,” said Camilla Chamomile (25), “the colour schemes are sickly, the shots off centre. So, so just not Insta worthy.”

Chamomile has been so upset by the posters that she is now afraid to leave her apartment until after election day on 7th June.

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Social welfare applications to be assessed through TikTok

Assessment of applications for jobseeker’s allowance, illness benefit and a range of other payments is to get a radical overhaul, the Department of Social Welfare has announced.

Instead of having to fill out forms applicants will be able to upload a 30 second TikTok video to the department website outlining why they deserve payment.

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Opinion: These four colour biros are pure magic

By John E. Bland, Post Office worker

There is a school of thought that human civilisation has already peaked and that we are hitting the downslope. Whoever thinks that has never used one of these incredible four colour Bic pens.

I only discovered the pen a few weeks ago when a colleague lent me hers. And my mind was blown. Apparently they’ve been around for years, but I’ve never noticed! They’re the greatest invention since the internet.

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