Local woman plans on being Rupert Murdoch’s sixth wife

Media mogul lizard Rupert Murdoch made the headlines again this weekend after getting married for the fifth time.

The Australian (93) tied the knot with Elena Zhukova (67) in California on Saturday, but one local woman is already looking ahead to Murdoch’s next marriage.

Sharon Curley (64), a retired hairdresser and former proprietor of Short and Curleys salon, told DTTN that she had already sent a detailed proposal to Fox Executives to pass on to Murdoch.

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Mexican President vows to build wall to keep out Trump

Outgoing Mexican President Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador has vowed that the country will build a wall to keep out American felons like Donald Trump.

With the Mexican general election taking place on Sunday all parties have agreed that a wall, the larger the better, is the only way to keep Mexican citizens safe from the demon Americano.

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Local Influencer traumatised by ‘gaudy’ election posters

A local influencer has been left traumatised after weeks of exposure to posters for the upcoming local and European elections.

“They’re just so gaudy, so tacky,” said Camilla Chamomile (25), “the colour schemes are sickly, the shots off centre. So, so just not Insta worthy.”

Chamomile has been so upset by the posters that she is now afraid to leave her apartment until after election day on 7th June.

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Sunak promises uplifting musical campaign

UK Prime Minister Rishi Sunak’s election announcement was upstaged yesterday by both the rain and a wag playing Things Can Only Get Better by D:Ream.

The song was famously used by Tony Blair when Labour swept to election victory in 1997.

The Tory head lizard reacted by stating that Election 2024 would be an uplifting musical experience for the electorate.

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Local man disappointed that portal doesn’t lead to Narnia

The Dublin-New York livestream portal is back online. And while many have complained about heavy-handed moderation, one local man is dealing with a whole other level of disappointment.

Colm Lewis (54), who travelled to Dublin by bus yesterday, shocked onlookers when he attempted to fling himself through the portal on North Earl Street.

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Lamar-Drake diss war inspires politicians around the world

The ongoing diss war between hip-hop stars Kendrick Lamar and Drake has captivated the entertainment world in the last week.

And many politicians have taken inspiration from the feuding rap titans, whose tracks have contained allegations of paedophilia and domestic abuse, with Lamar’s latest diss track Not Like Us appears providing particular inspiration.

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Opinion: Snooker is an allegory for the fall of communism

By Chuck E. Cheeser, American tax-payer and patriot

Well, gosh darn it, I read yesterday’s article in this fine publication saying snooker was racist and I near choked on my Honey Vanilla Cheerios.

I’m no snooker expert, but that woman was talking baloney. I’ve done my research and what is clear is that snooker is a family-friendly game and an allegory for the fall of communism.

If you don’t know what an allegory is, and I didn’t until yesterday, it’s something that has a hidden meaning, typically a moral or political one.

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Opinion: Racist snooker needs to be stopped

By: Tina Fenty, Head of Diversity Studies, Trinity College

Racism in sport is nothing new. In my role I see case studies of this phenomenon every day. However one sport, which has passed under my radar until now, is particularly egregious.

I’m talking about snooker, the game which continues to foist the notion of white supremacy on players and spectators around the world.

In snooker the game is controlled by the white ‘cue’ ball. This ball smashes into other balls of various colours, which have been assigned points values for when they are banished from the table.

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