A local man’s decision to phone in sick after a heavy night drinking backfired in spectacular fashion.
Colin Coldsore (27), caused panic in the local area after informing his employer that he would not be in due to contracting the coronavirus.
“A buddy of mine was over from London,” said Coldsore, “And a quick mid-week pint turned into a proper session. I was bouncing around Shifters nightclub all night.”
After waking up with a “head like a camel” Coldsore could not face the office and rang to inform his manager.
“I was on to him and realized that I hadn’t an excuse. The coronavirus was the first thing I could think of. I’d been watching about it on the news.”
Concerned for worker welfare, Coldsore’s employer closed their office and called the emergency services to assist the hungover IT consultant.
“I was just settling down on the couch for a Netflix binge when these fuckers in hazmat suits smashed down the door and carted me off in an ambulance.”
An embarrassed Coldsore explained to the paramedics that he was not contagious, only hungover, leading him to be thrown out of the ambulance wearing only his housecoat.
Coldsore, who wishes he had gone with his usual explosive diarrhea excuse, has vowed to never touch a drop again. He is now facing disciplinary action at work, and a large ambulance call out bill.