Satirical Irish News
Ireland rugby captain Johnny Sexton is set to succeed Ryan Tubridy as the host of The Late Late Show, DTTN understands.
The surprise appointment is sure to put a few noses out of joint at Montrose, but Sexton appears to be relishing the challenge.
Continue reading “Johnny Sexton to become next Late Late Show host”By Sir Rupert Ramsbottom-Wigglechin III
There’s been a load of balderdash spoken about Gary Lineker and his Match of the Day chums in the past few days, and frankly it’s putting me right off my gin and victuals.
As I’ve said to anyone who’ll listen; the maid, the gardener, the nanny, BBC lifers like Lineker are overpaid, institutionalised, and out of touch with reality. The man wouldn’t know hardship if it hit him with a rolled up copy of The Daily Mail.
Continue reading “Opinion: Gary Lineker is out of touch with reality”
UK Prime Minister Liz Truss and Chancellor for the Exchequer Kwasi Kwarteng are to appear on the new series of Eat Well for Less, the BBC has announced.
The show, hosted by Chris Bavin and Jordan Banjo, helps families across the UK save money by examining their grocery spend and cooking from scratch.
Continue reading “Truss and Kwarteng to appear on Eat Well for Less”
A local woman was outraged after the shoes she was to wear to her cousin’s wedding did not fit, despite only ordering them two days before the ceremony.
Rosie Strokes was shocked upon the shoe’s arrival to discover they were slightly too tight.
“I mean, I’m a size four, I’ve always been a size four. The online retailer I ordered from should have known this,” said Strokes. “What is going on with their crazy sizings!”
Continue reading “Local woman buys ill-fitting shoes, nearly ruins cousin’s wedding”
As the UK continues to mourn Queen Elizabeth II, her successor King Charles III has been growing accustomed to his new role.
Monday brought the good news that Charles would be exempt from inheritance tax on the vast fortune he is being bequeathed. The monarch celebrated by putting staff at his Clarence House residence on notice for redundancy.
Continue reading “King Charles battles pen as preparations for Queen’s funeral continue”
Country superstar Garth Brooks is in the midst of a five night residency at Croke Park. And Data Scientists from UCD are predicting that the singer will be sending fans home with more than a smile and a Stetson.
With 400,000 fans in attendance, the gigs are the nation’s greatest collective event since Pope John Paul II graced The Phoenix Park in 1979. The Pope’s visit resulted in a spike in child births nine months later, and according to UCD boffins the summer of 2023 could see similar results.
Continue reading “Garth Brooks gigs to ignite 2023 birth rate explosion”
UK Prime Minister has stunned the British public just 24 hours after the death of Queen Elizabeth II, by claiming that she is now their Queen.
“I am The One True Liz,” said Truss at a Downing Street press conference. “Queenie realised this country wasn’t big enough for the both of us. She’d knew she’d met her match. Royal blood is no match for fresh blood.”
Continue reading “Truss: I am your Queen now”
The 999 emergency service is to undergo a drastic revamp, the HSE has announced.
Currently any Irish citizen experiencing an emergency can ring 999 or 112 for ambulance, fire and police services.
However, from 1st October the line will be discontinued and replaced by the new Emerge-n-Z app.
Continue reading “999 Emergency line to be replaced by new app”
Fianna Fail TD Robert Troy this week resigned as Minister for State for failing to fully declare his property interests.
The Longford-Westmeath TD, has a portfolio of 11 properties, making him one of the 77 TDs and Senators who are active landlords.
Continue reading “Robert Troy: The Rise and Fall of the landlord TD”
An Taoiseach Micheal Martin and Tanaiste Leo Varadkar have paid tribute to Michael Collins in a special ceremony at Beal na Blaith to commemorate the 100 year anniversary of his death.
“Michael Collins was killed for standing up his convictions,” said Martin. “Thankfully that would not happen today, as we no longer require our politicians to have any. We just muddle through and get re-elected every five years without fixing anything.”
Continue reading “Martin and Varadkar pay tribute to Collins, shame his legacy”