Local woman buys ill-fitting shoes, nearly ruins cousin’s wedding

A local woman was outraged after the shoes she was to wear to her cousin’s wedding did not fit, despite only ordering them two days before the ceremony.

   Rosie Strokes was shocked upon the shoe’s arrival to discover they were slightly too tight.

    “I mean, I’m a size four, I’ve always been a size four. The online retailer I ordered from should have known this,” said Strokes. “What is going on with their crazy sizings!”

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King Charles battles pen as preparations for Queen’s funeral continue

As the UK continues to mourn Queen Elizabeth II, her successor King Charles III has been growing accustomed to his new role.

Monday brought the good news that Charles would be exempt from inheritance tax on the vast fortune he is being bequeathed. The monarch celebrated by putting staff at his Clarence House residence on notice for redundancy.

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Garth Brooks gigs to ignite 2023 birth rate explosion

Country superstar Garth Brooks is in the midst of a five night residency at Croke Park. And Data Scientists from UCD are predicting that the singer will be sending fans home with more than a smile and a Stetson.

With 400,000 fans in attendance, the gigs are the nation’s greatest collective event since Pope John Paul II graced The Phoenix Park in 1979. The Pope’s visit resulted in a spike in child births nine months later, and according to UCD boffins the summer of 2023 could see similar results.

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Truss: I am your Queen now

UK Prime Minister has stunned the British public just 24 hours after the death of Queen Elizabeth II, by claiming that she is now their Queen.

“I am The One True Liz,” said Truss at a Downing Street press conference. “Queenie realised this country wasn’t big enough for the both of us. She’d knew she’d met her match. Royal blood is no match for fresh blood.”

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Martin and Varadkar pay tribute to Collins, shame his legacy

An Taoiseach Micheal Martin and Tanaiste Leo Varadkar have paid tribute to Michael Collins in a special ceremony at Beal na Blaith to commemorate the 100 year anniversary of his death.

“Michael Collins was killed for standing up his convictions,” said Martin. “Thankfully that would not happen today, as we no longer require our politicians to have any. We just muddle through and get re-elected every five years without fixing anything.”

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Trump: Democrats unlawfully applying the law

As FBI agents continue to rustle through classified documents and Big Mac wrappers at Mar-a-Lago, former US President Donald Trump has a launched a stinging attack on Democrat ‘snakes.’

“Rules and laws are for Democrats. That’s why I’ve proudly represented the GOP since coming down the Golden Escalators in 2015 – we don’t follow rules; we make them, tremendously. Look at how we dealt with those women wanting abortions, or those anti-gun nuts,” said Trump.

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