Satirical Irish News
Ireland is set to have a functioning government, a mere eight weeks after the 2024 election with the Regional Independent group propping up Fianna Fail and Fine Gael.
It is understood that Paranoid Android Simon Harris and Micheal ‘Mr. Personality’ Martin have made a number of concessions to the independent group including:
Continue reading “Roads fixed for all – inside the regional independents deal for government”
Life is returning to normal in Ireland after the orange ice and snow warnings of the past week.
Thousands around the country were without power, water or unable to leave their homes due to the ice. As they re-emerge blinking into the light, one local man wishes the ice never left.
Continue reading “Local introvert feeling anxious as cold snap ends”
US President elect Donald Trump will attempt to annex Ireland, should his controversial bid to take control of Greenland fail, DTTN has learned.
The Orange Felon, who the world is already sick of even ahead of his inauguration, told reporters of his plans at a press conference outside an Irish Bar in Florida.
Continue reading “Trump to annex Ireland should Greenland bid fail”
A local man has fallen ill and been rushed to hospital after eating 10 sliced pans in one sitting.
Peadar Sleet (34) had joined the rest of the town in clearing the supermarket shelves of bread before the recent big freeze.
Continue reading “Local man hospitalised after panic eating 10 sliced pans”
An audience member at the World Darts Championship currently taking place at Alexandra Palace in London has been ejected from the venue for being too sober.
Darren ‘Daz Automatic’ Jenkins (34) was in attendance last night for the evening semi-final session featuring darts superstar Luke Littler when disaster struck.
Continue reading “Audience member kicked out of World Darts Championship for being too sober”
Sofa lover JD Vance is to step down as the Vice-Presidential candidate on the Trump ticket with immediate effect, it has been announced.
Vance, whose passion for soft furnishings is legendary, is to take up a new role in the couch department of retail giant IKEA.
Continue reading “Vance steps down from Trump ticket, takes role at IKEA”
Renowned cannibal Hannibal Lecter has endorsed presumptive Democratic nominee Kamala Harris in the American Presidential race.
The move comes after Harris’ opponent, tangerine felon Donald Trump, repeatedly evoked “the later, great Hannibal Lecter” at recent rally speeches.
Continue reading “Hannibal Lecter endorses ‘juicy’ Kamala Harris”
The government yesterday announced that RTE will receive €225m in public funding next year. And the state broadcaster is already making big plans to spend the windfall.
In an internal memo, that DTTN has seen a copy of, RTE Director General Kevin Bakhurst outlined the following:
Continue reading “RTE making ‘big plans’ for €225m windfall”
Following yesterday’s bombshell that incumbent Joe Biden will not contest the US Presidential election, Republicans are pivoting hard as it dawns that Donald Trump (78) is statistically closer to senility than Kamala Harris (59).
“We’d captured the youth vote against Biden,” said one Trump campaigner. “Donald is still vital, still the youngest man alive, and Kamala Harris can’t change that. The man is so young he wears diapers, for crissake! Kamala doesn’t even own a diaper.”
Continue reading “Republicans scramble to maintain advantage for ‘youngest man alive’ Trump”By: Willy E. Coyote, Local Historian
Today marks the 55 year anniversary of the 1969 American ‘moon landing’ when ‘astronauts’ Buzz Aldrin, Michael Collins and Neil Armstrong supposedly set foot on the lunar surface.
Official America will mark this is a cause for celebration, but the only achievement was the greatest, and most elaborate, con-job in human history.
Continue reading “Opinion: 55 Years since ‘moon landing’ – the greatest con-job in human history”